My gosh that was a stupidly fun song, you start with just the first line (ladies of the court of king Caracticuss, were just passing by...), and you repeat it about three times and keep adding on each line, until you can barely hold your breath long enough to say it.
Ah....good times that we have.
You know, it's pretty amazing the possibilities we still saw for ourselves when we were much younger. I don't really believe that there was ever a time in our childhood when we were wholly innocent and untouched by the world. The youngest child can be marred by horror and hardly anyone is treated as sacred. In saying so there are some things we should never have given up but that we did to achieve glory or respect or whatever love someone will throw at us. One day we'll realize that those things are things we never should have sold.
But....what I meant to say was that in some aspects we were innocent, it's like I remember this time I was still in school and I was staying for dinner at a friends house, and her youngest sister (this darling little girl), well I can't exactly recall what the conversation was about but I just know that in response to something this little girl replied: just ask God about it. As if that was the simplest and most straight-forward thing in the world.
I'm not trying to turn this in anyway into a Bible-bashing thing (and I would hate myself if I did that), but I did believe moreso back then, and it just stunned me, the belief she had. My first response to her statement was to say, well no...it's not as simple as that. But then maybe it is, maybe that's the key thing we miss about being a kid, that we do believe things more, and we are always in the here and now. That's why dogs are so damn happy heehee. I have two of the creatures and they just look at me with confused eyes when they find that they have no bed to sleep on that night because they tore it to pieces earlier that day! They are just so in the moment that it's both amusing and pitying, I think.
(Which is why, I might rant, a lot of people do not like cats, because cats are like women, and un-like dogs, they will not wag their tail and be happy to see you even if you have just locked them outside or shouted at them (which I don't by the way: shouting that is), whereas cats have a vain-countenance and will only show affection on their terms. :] They have a mind of their own.)
Anyway....
Do you know what I find curious? The shifts in our personality. Yes maybe it is because I have more poison's to enhance my mind at night, but even without them, I still find that my mind drifts to another realm along with my emotions when night comes. Usually the day will depend on just...meh, getting through it and all that (and really it is amazing how much more inspiration and steadiness I feel after I go for a run first thing, though I often hate the run, because well...ahm, it's exercise!). But usually that will change in an instant if it rains or howls with thunder, because it doesn't matter what the time is or what I'm doing or what mood I may have been in, as soon as it starts to rain or storm or be windy, it's like an electricity is thrown into my blood, and I just feel alive and wide-eyed and just...I'm not focussed on myself so much. (Strangely that's when I'm happiest, hm...).
But then, when night comes...I'll have all these thoughts and ideas and inspirations that will just come to me. I'll often get into my weirder debates with myself and my respective-Sodom side when I'm in these mind frames and nightly hours. (Though really it's mostly all the time I debate with him, in essence he's really the voice of my conscience. That is, if you can count your conscience as being someone who doesn't necessarily always have kind words for you. Hmf. Devil-may-care brute)
But, ahm, my point with all this, is that like a light switch, all the inspirational thoughts and plans I had for the following day during the night, just turn off when I wake up the next day. Daytime is set in stone (except when it's stormy), but in night...it feels like a puzzle box, that if you could find just the right pressure point, it would unlock a whole other world.
There's this whole attraction I feel, towards not having to sleep, but at the same time I crave the world of dreaming and the chance for anything to come to you as you're dead to the world. But at the same time - almost because of the lack of control we have while we're asleep (and that I feel I'm missing out on things I could discover) - I would much rather be awake.
Once I was presented with a wondrous week and a half of insomnia. And I just couldn't figure it out, how is it that I could only really force myself to go to sleep at 4ish in the morning, and then wake up at 6 or 7 am? How can a human body continue to function with such a small amount of sleep? I loved it, because well, all the great artists and poets and visionaries of our history, had insomnia, so it definitely gave me fuel for inspiration.
But really what do you do in those small hours? Sometimes I can't write then because literally the silence feels too loud at those times of night, and I feel a certain wariness about immersing myself in my stories and characters when the world already feels so strange. No need to add more strangeness mate.
I think I most loved that time, 4 am or 5 perhaps, in that - if it's the right time of the year - you have just beaten the darkness, and just as that strange cold blue light appears in the sky, then I find it easy and peaceful to sleep.
What is there to fear, but fear itself? Everything that we consider too dark to look at, is merely terrifying to us because we don't understand it. That is the fear of society it seems, and honestly, the greatest falling of it all, I believe is that no one ever teaches you how to deal with horror. With the fact of death, and even just losing people or things you care about.
It's not as though there's a set of rules one must follow if they're experiencing loss. Is it better to scream, or stay silent for fear you will never stop screaming once you start?
Is the reason you run and drink and party to not have to be still and look the monsters in the face?
I think the main point is, that everyone deals differently, and the only consolation is that none of it is our fault. We aren't some medieval society who believes that a million gods are going to strike us down for swearing or making a mistake, no...all it is, all we are in the eyes of fate are a few thousand chess pieces for fate to play with, and deal out swords or bullets/bombs/scars.
How can we help acting as we do? Blow off someone's left foot or their house and family and of course their going to go out, buy a gun and shoot the people responsible. It's the world that makes the evil, not any single person.
Circumstance.
But please, enough darkness and gloom, and I will leave you with this bright note that I hope will please you and make you laugh....
Click me..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSA_sWGM44
Miss CLScarlett xx
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