Another day, another way, and it's only three days until I do my own Stress Down Day and really, sometimes I feel like such a recluse, in that I'd much rather not have to ever leave the house and keep my routine and so on.
I just keep telling myself it will be fun, and I'll be fine when the day comes. I shouldn't worry about being robbed, or arrested, or being mugged or being swarmed by people or...or a comet landing. (Or one of my evil characters popping into existence and haunting me while I'm there).
Ahm....whistlewhistle teetee
You know sometimes I get so fanatical about wanting some of my characters to be real that I actually search the internet for ways: even the weird ones, and hey maybe the only way to truly have it happen is to become mad and insane enough, as I've been saying.
Heehee.
Ah but it's always on my mind, the desire to create something beautiful but that has no real use or purpose. The world is strange enough, so if we really put our minds' to it, surely we could create anything?
It's like (in preparation actually for the Stress Down Day), I've made my own wings to wear. They're a bit odd, and small but they've turned out okay. I was going to put a photo of them on here today, but alas, my phone won't allow me to and my camera is dead as a doornail. So I'll put them up tomorrow.
But deciding to do something unusual: like that egg-shaped thing I mentioned trying to make and which I wrote the poem about. Dressing up extravagantly, or going into a theatre when it's abandoned and eerie, or building a lantern or sending a bottle out to sea or whatever.
I used to paint a lot, at one time, and I got it into my head to complete a giant mural on my bedroom wall. It took me a year (and now unfortunately it's painted over again), but it really had no point, and most things that stretch your heart and focus the most, more times than not, they are the easiest things to lose.
I'm not sure why either, maybe they're just too fragile, or maybe the world or fate begins to feel uneasy when we have too many things we love around us. As soon as we get attached to something, BAM, something happens to take it away.
Makes for a certain hilarity and black-humour, don't you think?
Ah, one thing I really was inspired by - and I'm not entirely sure where it originated from, was the idea of the sky having mechanics, and an other side that we can't see with our normal eyes. Part of this was perhaps inspired by an illustration I saw on DeviantArt, but it grew from there. (This is also a tiny sneak-look into a future part of my Golden Dragon Series books). But those that could see what the sky could see (that's the way I made it), would see booming colours and hear deep sounds, like the Northern Lights on some drug. There'd be gears and enlarged planets from our solar system moving at crazy speeds, and stars bursting and exploding with colour. Living plants.
Yeah, I loved that idea.
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| My Mural |
I'm actually beginning to crave baking again. It seemingly came to a fact that after working for a year on my island making the same pastries day in and day out mostly, I had to have a long break from making them.
But if I had money I'd make them now, and feed them to people. :] But it was always, cooky day on Monday, Tues: Choc, orange and almond cake, apricot shortcake, Wed: Choc coconut cake and lemon meringue pie, Thurs: French Night! Paris Brest, Pear, White Choc and Almond Tart and Profiteroles, Fri: Choc Tart, Strawberry n Custard Tart, White Choc Cheesecake, White choc mousse cake with choc crackle base, Sat: Banoffee Pie, Red Velvet Choc Cake, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, Sun: Choc Mousse Cake and Apple Crumble.
Okay this is becoming painful, argh....
So yes, time does fly, and I often wish I could grow wings, or not feel like time is running faster by the second. Because well, that's how I feel and have always felt, even when I was much younger, that the more I and others go through life the faster and faster everything and time becomes. It's all heading towards something, and it feels like the world can't go on much longer, maybe a while, but it's nearing a close, I think.
They take my hand. and whisper strange things, their eyes haunt and their fingers freezing, they drag me to that cold, otherly place where I sit with my back to the chilled knife edge, while I try and answer his questions yet never can.
What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?
If I had an answer to that maybe the world wouldn't seem so gloomy and endlessly consuming.
We can help, I will help you.
If you could step into the light you would...but as it is, all you are is a fanciful devil-may-care friend who appears when my thoughts crowd me too much and the gnawing inside of me becomes deafening,
Sometimes I frighten myself, sometimes I make myself laugh, sometimes I could just burn everything, along with myself.
It seems more and more that his white eyes are the only things keeping me chained to this earth and desk.
Ha ha, no, do not worry about me, and I hope that your day has been filled with curious things, I will talk to you all again soon.
Miss CLScarlett xx
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