I slept against shadows last night, they waited for me to close my eyes before they crept to my side and softly scratched at my eyelids.
Why sleep? They whisper. Why dream. Listen to the silence.
It is better to stay awake, and really if you think about it, we all go to sleep when we're meant to and then we wake up the following morning for school or work feeling as though we've been knocked over the head by something. Wouldn't it be better to give up sleep in exchange for meeting the night head on and being there to greet the morning when it first comes to life?
Even more hard would be the task of meeting the full night and the morning without any enhancements: with no aids or alcohol or mindless partying or watching of strange late night shows or reading, To just, experience it.
There's two things I envision and wish to do one day, but that I may never end up doing:
1. I got the idea from this wondrous book called The Long Road of the Junkmailer, but basically one night to step outside, and just follow every impulse, and live the entire night. Not necessarily through partying or drinking but say, to just walk outside and then decide to follow a moth, or a star, or a lone bicycle. Just to let the night lead you to what strange places and situations it will.
2. If everything changes for me or becomes different I will leave it all, wear an extravagant dress, pack a small bag and ride a bicycle away to wherever.
To just explore more. It's like my ideal place to end up one day. I'd be happy living in a small seaside town, in a shabby little flat with a tabby cat, an old typewriter (and laptop) (both for writing), maybe just a really old telephone (like the ones with big handles), and just live alone and work a small job at a patisserie or library.
That's what I'd love, and honestly, getting married or being in a relationship doesn't appeal to me. I feel like retiring from everything that comes with knowing another person. Maybe that's selfish but the fact is you can never truly be yourself in a relationship and it's like...most guys end up being vampiric. In that they always want to be with you and kissing you and are needy and disgusting. No, I don't want that.
:] That's not to say I don't mind simpler agreements and partnerships with no ties. :]
Ahm, but anyway, I went to Kingscliff today and my gosh I love that place. Just the cold sea air made me feel insane and bright-eyed. Instant good-mood transformer.
So I shall disappear away into shadows again, ah, and here's a quick theory for you, a question rather:
In what sense do we exist? Okay yes we're alive, but it's like the idea of if a tree falls in a forest and we're not there to see or hear it happen (and we don't even know it happened), according to us, for lack of evidence, said tree did not even exist: much less fall over.
So if a person managed to go their whole life without being seen by anyone, do they really exist? Is it enough that they know they exist, or does it require more than one person to see another for a person to enter the realm of existence as we know it?
Like do we enter another plane of being when others don't see us?
Maybe it's not exactly the way I'm putting it, but really. It's like how I used to freak myself out wondering about colours.
What if the colour I think is blue is actually red, but we've just been told it's blue. Ah you say, but it looks blue. Well maybe blue is red and that colour we think is blue isn't actually blue. Then you worry what if the colour I think is red is a different colour for someone else?
It can send you mental, all this stuff.
Any way, enough head trips,
Soon again dear friends,
Miss CLScarlett xx
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