I feel what I don't and really...sometimes my thoughts and mind and shadows don't leave me time to feel anything normal. Or emotional.
Mainly I think it has something to do with me being a phlegmatic (ahm, rather than some emotionless robot for no reason whatsoever), in that I don't really feel tragically upset when something happens. Heck, drop a tin behind me and I won't feel much surprise or any tendency to jump in fright.
Not that I never feel anything, more that I think of myself as having many layers that are like galaxies - and friends, I believe all of us are like this, in that we have many, many layers - just that for me, most of my top layers are the grinning, numb monkey mask. Throw a rock at me, I'll smile and throw it back at you. Or perhaps I'd just smile and laugh as you continued to throw.
Yes yes. I still think everything (fate included), has a furious sense of humour, and really it is my own fault, in that I've brought so many things on myself lately because I've basically been talking and thinking and joking around about fate and death too much.
Jinx-Twinx!
Words are powerful, and I think I...and many of us can mess around with them too much at times.
For a while my mind has been toying with the idea (and many ideas), of creating a piece of artwork that honours all my characters and the other figures that have conjured up at times in my life (and who sometimes still do like the besmittened Mr. White and S harhar). Doesn't mean that however I portray them is how they would look exactly (or how others I know imagine them), more that I want to capture a part of the spirit of them.
This was shown to me, I believe, through a dream I once had. It was simple really, and just a short one but it sung out. It was a group of my main characters: Karen DeVinci Hazen, Damien Sam Hazen, Cara Faxon and maybe another. They were my characters but their appearance was different. Yet it didn't make them better or worse because they were still the ones I know, and mine...and I theirs.
Or the fact that I dreamt of a man being baked alive the night before. Ohh yeah you're a ray of sunshine aren't you Scarlett?
Remember to laugh, remember to laugh. Har-de-ha-ha!
Life isn't all bad, and no matter how much I bawl and complain and screech about it all, in the end, I'm always unable to hide my smile and laughter. Sometimes you've just frowned for so long that a smile has to break out, you know?
I'm sorry I'm being so morbid lately, and really I think it's more a...lovable gloom. In that it reminds me of this book I read called The Replacement, which I mentioned in a previous Blog entry. But even though it was dark and people were sometimes being sacrificed and everything else...it was also so very much able to pull at our heartstrings. Meaning that sometimes things have to be darker before you can see the real beauty hidden inside.
So...this week is Beat the Dark Week ladies and gentlemen and boy do I ever, boy do I ever! This is an event NOT to miss, and really who with two foots two could dismiss this most esteemed chance to celebrate the last few months leading to the end of the world? Or hadn't you read the Mayan posters? That's right ladies and gentlemen our world is programmed to end on the 10th of December at precisely midnight, ohhhh it's gonna be a hoeeDOWN!
In honour of living large and living terrifyingly, I invite you to attempt these varying methods of practise over a single weekly long period, at your closest convenience in time. :D
Day One. To start off with: take the week off! Or if you are hitherto, unable to escape work to partake on such an adventure, perhaps just take a few days off to start you on your quest to stamping out the darkness in your life. (Or at least till the end of the week).
Day Two. Do something drastic: that thing that you always say you'll do one day. Decide to burn and throw out all the pictures of that person who hurt you. Start baking your way through a cookbook or a language, an instrument...don't vow to start doing said thing, just do whatever it is. Start this day to do something drastic. If you're stuck for ideas, then why not try something simple. Say hello to that person you never talk to but always wonder about. Make a tiny gift or buy a rose and leave it at random letterboxes and welcome mats with the note: Someone cares.
Day Three. Spoil yourself. Forget the I-don't-deserve-it voices and the guilt blade and just do it. Go out to a restaurant that you can't afford with some friends. Go to Gold Class at the movies, give yourself an extra slice of cake (but of course, don't think that too many rewards lead to a perfect body heehee, no harm), go to a spa, lay in the sun by the side of the pool with music playing and a tropical cocktail in your hand. Whatever you dream.
Day Four. Smile at everyone you see for the entire day. (Except perhaps the odd fellow in the shadows with the creepy eyes...or the police, they may believe you're taking drugs).
Day Five. Do something shocking! Perform a practical joke on someone and anyone. Remember, fun not un! Fill an empty vodka bottle with cold water and drink it in public. Or fill a mouthwash bottle with Gatorade. Harhar. Play spin-the-bottle or change your hair colour or name.
Day Six. Organise yourself! I mean this in an agreeable way. Stress does nothing for your peace of mind, and so - even if it's against your artistically disorganised personality - try for a little structure. Write down all the problems that are plaguing you both in mind, body and your daily life and work and then list all the solutions. Talk to someone about it all for a second opinion, and trust that in the end, events always work themselves out to some conclusion. Structure your week.
Day Seven. Reconnect with yourself. Reconciliation. Just relax, take a break from drinking or whatever poison you use, and just sit for a while. Decide what's important for you and where you're at, or just be. Sometimes not even thinking leads you to better understand where the way out is and which door to take. Possibilities are a lot like birds, or butterflies, if you strain and leap and thunder after them, all they'll do is scatter and rarely come back. Yet if you creep up to them, or bide your time until they come to you or feel secure enough with you being around, then everything comes together.
So I will leave you for now treasures, and with this small video of a song we all know to lift your hearts,
Miss CLScarlett xx
P.S. The night has wings and the sun has eyes, and we are all the children of the skyy. It also should have been added that looking in a mirror and laughing at yourself will lighten your mood too. (Usually)
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