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| enmi on deviantArt |
Starlight...
Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold.......You in my arms
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
But I'll never let you go
If you promised not to fade away
Never fade away
You know how sometimes you just get to stages in your life when you know something's about to be taken from you...or that the only way to be happy or whole again is to give it or them up? I know everyone faces this in different ways but lately I've been faced with it again, and before in my past. It almost makes you wonder if all these little things we have to give up are training us for when we have to give up life. After all, how else could those people on their death beds be so content?
Maybe I just always fall for the devil-may-care guys or people, and in the end I have to give them up, even though I feel I need them. Sometimes it's just the devil-may-care figures in my own head.
This isn't right though, and I can say this or that but in the end I know two things. The first is that eventually I'll have to give up the toxic parts of my life and somehow figure out how to get out of the labyrinth my mind has become.
Secondly, I know I won't do this for a long time, and indeed I don't even feel inclined to do it. Even if I wanted to escape: how?
Sometimes we all get into such a rut that even though we see how high the walls are and how surely we've forgotten who we used to be and the potential we once had to be happy in life and ourselves, we can't get out. Often it's too late by the time we realize that we're even in a rut, and mine keeps swinging in tighter and tighter circles around me.
What really makes me mad though is that I've been in ruts before and I thought myself rid of them yet here I am, years later...in another damn one.
But...perhaps you as much as I or anyone I know could take comfort from this:
Rut's eventually end, though it may take years, but they will end.
Are you in a rut, you say of yourself?
If you feel trapped, isolated and that the weight you began feeling in your heart and body is growing by the day or even the hour...well then that's a rut. Usually they pass, though often it means you reach a rather big climax, as though the only way to escape them are drastic measures.
It will end.
Mainly (if you're wondering what on dear earth I'm talking about), I have to be cryptic about what my main problem is now because for one reason or another it may put me at a disadvantage to say exactly what it's all about.
Meaning...through one various poison or another that I use to hone my writing and release me from my doubts, I have found a way to be closer to my favourite characters that I've written about over the years, (physically close and tangible in some ways) and in all fact the voice I hear is far more positive it seems than when I'm not in such a way.
So really, to have to give up something that brings me closer to the comforting arms of someone I care about...well, there's my own personal labyrinth.
So on and so forth, but hey...things'll turn out alright. Eventually.
Thing's aren't so bad anyway, ah! But I did think of a little something, and really this is all soo fascinating about Chinese years and symbol's, that maybe I think about it too much. But...I am a phlegmatic, water, Pisces, summer Monkey.
Yeah, figure that one out heehee.
Ah! I also recall that yesterday I was reclining somewhere inside my house when I heard this very soft thumping against a nearby window. I went to investigate and found this incy wincy bird banging itself against the glass. But seriously this bird was psychedelic! It had all these colours and markings that made it seem like something you'd see if you were hallucinating. I caught it in my hands and then released it to the world. My first wholly saved bird heehee.
Reminds me actually of when I was living on the island and some friends and I were joking around and taking these sort of herbal remedies that were meant to make you as airy as a fairy, and well...not much happened, though some guys did play a joke on me heehee. In that I saw a small bird trapped inside a room and told the others about it and dead-flat they told me that there was no bird.
Oh that spun me out a bit heehee. (By the way, yess there was a bird :] )
Lastly, I wanted to leave you with one of my first attempts at a short story that I ever wrote. Doesn't really make that much sense and I've never been entirely good in writing short stories, but it should humour you...
Until next time Feathered ones,
Miss CLScarlett xx
The Purple Damascus.
...Looking....
Looking into a mirror, a reflection of your past,
Watching others as they watch you, alone on a
starry night,
Feeling the beat of a thousand drums,
A
sound that has no ending,
Staring into a tear-stained window,
Dusty and full of the future......
Eden
shivered, a strange sadness filling her heart as she pulled her gaze away from
the words. The words that lay between her and her new life.
Of
course it wasn’t the most significant thing. Not life changing, or something
that would make the world a better place. She doubted that it would even help
her. Yet there she stood, on the doorstep of ‘The Purple Damascus’ about to start
living again.
Zel allowed his bubble-gum-green
eyes to rest on the girl. In curiosity he watched as she stumbled inside, a
desperate look glazing her face.
Her coal-black hair fell down in rapids,
glistening and silky. Her eyes were also a startling blue he noted in surprise.
Yet despite her unique hair and eye colour the
girl intrigued him. Stepping from behind the doorway he slowly began to move
closer to her, wanting her, understanding her...
One
of the other attendants moved in front of Zel at the last minute and quickly
greeted the girl. Her eyes flickered momentarily towards Zel before she became
immersed in what the attendant was telling her. Understanding that his moment
had come and gone Zel once more retreated to the opposite side of the door.
Silver light flickered like a broken window, spreading its’ comforting
arms across the roof. Eden looked away from the green-eyed boy and re-focused
on the man that now stood in front of her. He was explaining to her about
something that related to economics.
Eden frowned, wondering where the boy had disappeared to.
She jerked in fright as the man asked her a
direct question. Muttering vaguely about the first thing that came to her mind
she turned once again to where she had last seen the boy.
He
had such amazing eyes she reasoned, ones that talked and showed emotion.
One Hour later........
Eden sucked in a mouthful of fresh air. Closing her eyes she pondered on
the decision that she had made, was it
the right one? Was it really good and right to change the way nature worked?
Eden smiled, even if it was, she had already
made the choice and they had issued her with a pack. They had decided that this
pack in particular best suited her as a person. So grasping the thin, silver
disk tightly to her chest she began to leave.
Making
her way down the hallway that lead to the backdoor Eden allowed her thoughts
and feelings to blur, knowing that now, everything would be different.
Arriving at the back door she swung it open to an unusual sight;
The
sky was a rich red to the East and black storm clouds consumed the sky. Bucket
loads of rain thundered down onto Eden and drenched her to the bone while white
lightning riddled the sky.
Running out into the storm Eden began to head for the end of the
alleyway. All of a sudden she found herself slipping on the wet pavement and
she fell to her knees. The package flew from her hands and landed in a puddle a
meter away.
Slowing getting to her feet Eden was alerted to the sound of soft
footfalls nearby. Looking up, she immediately met eyes with the boy.
Zel carefully bent down and picked up the package. Holding it up into
the harsh storm light he then wiped the disk clean with his shirt. Walking up
to the girl he handed it to her.
“Thank you.” Eden said in relief.
Zel smiled and allowed the girl to continue walking. Yet as she walked
away he was hit by such a great amount of passion and sadness that he called
after her.
“Wait.”
Eden looked back at the boy and cocked her
head.
“Yes?”
Pondering on what to say Zel finally spoke.
“ You
do know what that package means don’t you? What it will do to your life?”
Eden
nodded.
“I
do know, yes.”
“And
you’re willing to risk all of your hopes, your dreams, your goals.... just to
have security?”
Eden
looked down, suddenly uncertain about her choice.
Walking up to the girl Zel touched her shoulder and whispered.
“There
is so much more that you can offer to the world, so much more that is in you...
do not look to substantial things, things that won’t last forever. Yet look to
me, for guidance. I am your new life.”
Eden looked deep into the boys eyes, her own full of wonder. And she
knew, that this was what she had been searching and looking for. That she
needed. In that moment she fell in love, her heart lighting up with something
like a fire and gratefully she took his hand.
As
the storm slowly passed from the low horizon, as the sky cleared and the
evening star burst to life, the figures of two walked slowly down the street,
both content with all. Behind them lay the crumpled package and with it their
old life and ahead lay the brilliant future. The future that was set in stone
since the beginning of time, in their hearts and the surrounding world and Eden
finally, at long last understood the last words that were on the door of ‘The
Purple Damascus.’
...
Holding a shining light as you rise into the sky,
The stars and planets surrounding you,
Watching the wind sway the trees,
Causing them to curl,
Swimming in a crystal stream, your feet
Brushing shells, sand and coral....
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