The Sky has Stopped Speaking...

  What if....


  Don't we all have that question on our minds? It comes to us in different forms and is always at the back of our thoughts, summing up to the reason we sometimes feel so cut-off or unjustly wronged in some way: deeper even.

   What if, we could go back and save the people we love, or do that better or not take things so for granted. To regain what we've lost is what we want, and what we as creatures always long for: the past, or childhood or perhaps, the ability not to remember, or to suddenly achieve everything you had dreamt of.
  I was confronted by the most chilling 'What If?' question a few days ago, and yes maybe this makes me lame for liking the particular movie I'm about to mention, but I don't really care.
  The Time Machine.
    For those of you who don't know, it's this movie and book about a professor who loses his fiancée and basically goes mad by building a time machine and then constantly going back into the past to try and change what happens, but it never does, no matter what he tries to do. In the end, he ends up accidentally going like a million years into our future where the world has formed two races (one that lives underground and feeds on the other, weaker ones on top: using their skin to keep surviving).

  This movie may not be masterfully excellent, but really, sometimes things cling onto you and build on who you are when you watch or read them as a younger child. (That's when I first watched the Time Traveller).

  If you've seen it, you'll know which part I'm talking about, but there's this section right at the end where the main guy is confronted by the leader of the dominant race, who actually in some ways inspired Sodom, my big villain and conscience.
  The way the bad-o in this movie looks is almost exactly like how I designed Sodom. (Aka, white hair, eyes and skin, kinda creepy and ominous looking) BUT, my point is, the villain knows the time travellers' mind and he tells him: 'You are a man who is eternally tormented by the question: what if?'

   Just the way this guy says this line to him, makes you feel like you would do anything...if he had the power to grant that request. Give you what you want deep down beneath all the shadows, to a question and desire that you have no name for.

  I know I'm probably taking it all too seriously, but for me right now, with my character Sodom sort of popping up at opportune moments to ask me pretty much the same question, to see it on TV and hear it as audibly as that set a freezing hand about me.
  (You know that feeling right? You feel like you're freezing solid and falling into a reaching darkness at the same time.)

  Ahm, yes Scarlett...of course we all know that feeling. Heehee, (nervously shuffle away.)

It also seems that the more madly time moves towards my future date with Uncle Sam, the less enthusiastic I am. Though I was convinced by my night thoughts that this is the right things to do, that I should join the army because if I don't I may never want to do anything in my life again.

  I already feel like retiring and just staying inside for the rest of my life! Because really if all that's out there is a race to find ways to earn money so we can spend more money so that we can than comfortably retire and then die just sucks.
  Makes you not want to live at all, or get involved with any of it.

  A grant that there's still a lot of fun and achievements and experiences to be got out of life, but hey, let me ask the question. If we're all gaining experiences, what is it experience for?
 Life, you say?
  If life is so short, then really, theoretically the only experience that would count for something is if we were preparing for something still to come.

Maybe we are...maybe we're not, but there's got to be some point to this day in and day out grind. (Though I, for the life of me, can't really see it)

   I've also been thinking, about a book that really touches my soul in ways more than other books (and I do like to think we all have one thing like this.) For me it was the book Jennie. My grandma gave it to me, and it's a really old copy of the story.
  It's just this story about a boy who is transformed into a cat and ends up having all these adventures with a cat called Jennie. That book was just...special.

   So enough chatter and I'll write more tomorrow.

Much love,
Miss CLScarlett xx

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