The night is old...
you feel the cobwebs of it.
You cannot sleep...
you leave your tangled sheets,
your half-formed thoughts and dreams...
and you walk through your decaying house,
through the decaying world...
and tumbling out into the night,
and the darkness...
and the endless wind,
you see the moon...
giant and pregnant and full,
and red...
red as blood.
You feel something like an embrace,
a whisper...
the press of fingers against your shoulder,
and you turn...
You see a street,
lonely and long and winding...
beside which trails a river,
the colour of the moon...
You begin to walk,
feeling as though secret wheels and gears...
move your feet,
and bones...
and heart forward,
and then you hear a word...
someone calling your name,
and you glimpse the smallest of figures...
only a child,
with trailing hair and wool...
turn her amber dark eyes briefly back to you,
a laugh as sharp as a knife...
and perhaps your name,
uttered from her lips...
and you know you must follow.
You will always follow her...
for you always choose her,
for she has always chosen you...
though it was not her choice at first.
Always her...
You begin to run...
as she dances into the embrace of the shadows,
and still you follow...
You pass suddenly by the river waters,
that murmur and shift...
and you glimpse something within,
moving...
churning,
seeing...
breathing.
The girl is suddenly beside you...
her head cocked as though listening,
she steps towards the water...
she points,
her skin shivering...
and her eyes endless,
'There was something done here...
a forbidden act,
and now the water is cursed...
now things move beneath,
and occasionally they reach out...
Do not touch it,
for it might take...
and take,
and take...
until there is nothing left in us,
but a crumbling universe...
that used to shine,
with a galaxy of memories...
yet now flickers,
with the shadows...
and Daerk,
that devour it.'
Then the girl is gone,
twisting away into mist...
and you chase,
you reach...
you try,
to keep hold of her...
yet she slips away,
and you begin to run again...
your heart fracturing,
and the tears silent...
For we no longer shed tears without,
but within.
As you move along the river,
you glimpse many curious things...
A face,
pale and adorned with Roses...
within the freezing water,
their face alien and beautiful...
with the embrace of death.
You see next a single mushroom...
golden and bent within,
shimmering in the blood moon...
and you pass it by.
A clock that winds backwards is next...
destroying each hour that passes it by,
with hacksaws and nails...
trying to forget,
that another second has left it...
for Time is Sorrow,
To know that everything you hold...
runs endlessly back and forth,
from the ground...
to death and life and between,
again and again...
and it never knows a face,
long enough...
to know love,
for it is Infinity...
and when Infinity is your breath,
there is no room for the heart...
or soul.
Or remembering.
The river runs long...
the river leads you on.
Next you walk pass two statues...
in a courtyard of white and shadow,
lost within the folds of Time...
Two dragons,
one reminiscent of Gold...
the other as Blue as the Ocean.
They are entwined...
and their love is visible,
undeniable...
complex,
beyond Hours...
and yet between them a sculpture of dark,
like a cloud...
or claws,
or mist...
slowly choking the life from them,
and tearing them apart...
separating what should,
have been.
You begin to sprint...
and you know then,
that you don't want this river anymore...
you don't want to know THIS,
you close your eyes and scream...
and then suddenly you stop,
for you cannot go on...
your limbs feel like iron,
your head as heavy as the Earth...
You fall to your knees...
and finally you open your eyes,
again...
At first there is nothing,
just a swirling fog...
where the path and river had once been,
you stand and you shiver...
and then,
from within...
a figure steps,
turns...
and is suddenly beside you,
his pale fingers trapping you tight...
and his white eyes burning into you,
he is tall...
with pale hair,
and robes fashioned from the mist...
and he is everywhere,
and you cannot move...
or escape,
and you feel then...
his breath against your ears,
and his nails like claws in your skin....
as he whispers,
to you...
'Haven't you fled far enough?
Haven't you sorrowed enough?
I have seen you...
when you smash your fists to pieces,
against walls...
when you long for the knife,
more than air...
when you stay awake,
always awake...
so that the demons cannot reach,
so that the darkness...
is a degree closer to light,
I see how you lock your windows...
and doors,
how you won't let them in...
yet we already are,
for you let us in centuries ago...
and now we are the comfort that you choose,
though long ago you did not think...
that what you feared,
would become so ingrained in your skin...
and now when you look in the mirrors,
it is the face...
screaming with laughter,
back at you.
One day you will stop fighting us...
one day you will allow the pretence,
of your own morality...
to slip into what you have always been,
a Monster...
Pure and Simple.'
You buckle,
you writhe...
you war against his grip,
though a part of you believes him...
desires more than life,
to accept this as you...
yet as despair binds you tight,
you feel a tug on your sleeve...
and a slow unravelling of the Darkness,
and you look down...
You see her then,
her eyes like Hazel firelight...
and her words soft,
spoken into the in-between...
corners of your mind.
'We may be monsters...'
she murmurs.
'Yet that does not make our soul...
you are Better,
than what you have become for them...
what you kill and maim and hate,
is a prism to lock you inside...
to determine that you are only suited,
to the coat of Darkness...
that you claim to adore.
Perhaps the light will be just as strong....
It is up to you child,
for if you do not see the prison for what it is....
soon you will love it,
and believe that it is your strength.
Take my hand please,
and I will show you something...
before the Night Dreams re-take you.'
As you stand there by the river...
one arm gripped by the claws,
of the demon you have taught yourself to love...
and the other pressed,
by something unknown...
something of Light.
Tonight you decide,
tonight you choose...
to turn to her instead of him,
to believe that maybe...
you are capable,
of Sunlight...
and Life,
instead of Death.
The girl smiles up at you...
and you take her hand,
as the pale demon screams for you...
and you realize that she has never really left you,
and that she will always choose you...
always.
Then it is fading...
it is all fading,
and once again you find yourself...
back in your bed,
and sleep quickly overtaking you...
xx
To Donna Rose...
Always.
a whisper...
the press of fingers against your shoulder,
and you turn...
You see a street,
lonely and long and winding...
beside which trails a river,
the colour of the moon...
You begin to walk,
feeling as though secret wheels and gears...
move your feet,
and bones...
and heart forward,
and then you hear a word...
someone calling your name,
and you glimpse the smallest of figures...
only a child,
with trailing hair and wool...
turn her amber dark eyes briefly back to you,
a laugh as sharp as a knife...
and perhaps your name,
uttered from her lips...
and you know you must follow.
You will always follow her...
for you always choose her,
for she has always chosen you...
though it was not her choice at first.
Always her...
You begin to run...
as she dances into the embrace of the shadows,
and still you follow...
You pass suddenly by the river waters,
that murmur and shift...
and you glimpse something within,
moving...
churning,
seeing...
breathing.
The girl is suddenly beside you...
her head cocked as though listening,
she steps towards the water...
she points,
her skin shivering...
and her eyes endless,
'There was something done here...
a forbidden act,
and now the water is cursed...
now things move beneath,
and occasionally they reach out...
Do not touch it,
for it might take...
and take,
and take...
until there is nothing left in us,
but a crumbling universe...
that used to shine,
with a galaxy of memories...
yet now flickers,
with the shadows...
and Daerk,
that devour it.'
Then the girl is gone,
twisting away into mist...
and you chase,
you reach...
you try,
to keep hold of her...
yet she slips away,
and you begin to run again...
your heart fracturing,
and the tears silent...
For we no longer shed tears without,
but within.
As you move along the river,
you glimpse many curious things...
A face,
pale and adorned with Roses...
within the freezing water,
their face alien and beautiful...
with the embrace of death.
You see next a single mushroom...
golden and bent within,
shimmering in the blood moon...
and you pass it by.
A clock that winds backwards is next...
destroying each hour that passes it by,
with hacksaws and nails...
trying to forget,
that another second has left it...
for Time is Sorrow,
To know that everything you hold...
runs endlessly back and forth,
from the ground...
to death and life and between,
again and again...
and it never knows a face,
long enough...
to know love,
for it is Infinity...
and when Infinity is your breath,
there is no room for the heart...
or soul.
Or remembering.
The river runs long...
the river leads you on.
Next you walk pass two statues...
in a courtyard of white and shadow,
lost within the folds of Time...
Two dragons,
one reminiscent of Gold...
the other as Blue as the Ocean.
They are entwined...
and their love is visible,
undeniable...
complex,
beyond Hours...
and yet between them a sculpture of dark,
like a cloud...
or claws,
or mist...
slowly choking the life from them,
and tearing them apart...
separating what should,
have been.
You begin to sprint...
and you know then,
that you don't want this river anymore...
you don't want to know THIS,
you close your eyes and scream...
and then suddenly you stop,
for you cannot go on...
your limbs feel like iron,
your head as heavy as the Earth...
You fall to your knees...
and finally you open your eyes,
again...
At first there is nothing,
just a swirling fog...
where the path and river had once been,
you stand and you shiver...
and then,
from within...
a figure steps,
turns...
and is suddenly beside you,
his pale fingers trapping you tight...
and his white eyes burning into you,
he is tall...
with pale hair,
and robes fashioned from the mist...
and he is everywhere,
and you cannot move...
or escape,
and you feel then...
his breath against your ears,
and his nails like claws in your skin....
as he whispers,
to you...
'Haven't you fled far enough?
Haven't you sorrowed enough?
I have seen you...
when you smash your fists to pieces,
against walls...
when you long for the knife,
more than air...
when you stay awake,
always awake...
so that the demons cannot reach,
so that the darkness...
is a degree closer to light,
I see how you lock your windows...
and doors,
how you won't let them in...
yet we already are,
for you let us in centuries ago...
and now we are the comfort that you choose,
though long ago you did not think...
that what you feared,
would become so ingrained in your skin...
and now when you look in the mirrors,
it is the face...
screaming with laughter,
back at you.
One day you will stop fighting us...
one day you will allow the pretence,
of your own morality...
to slip into what you have always been,
a Monster...
Pure and Simple.'
You buckle,
you writhe...
you war against his grip,
though a part of you believes him...
desires more than life,
to accept this as you...
yet as despair binds you tight,
you feel a tug on your sleeve...
and a slow unravelling of the Darkness,
and you look down...
You see her then,
her eyes like Hazel firelight...
and her words soft,
spoken into the in-between...
corners of your mind.
'We may be monsters...'
she murmurs.
'Yet that does not make our soul...
you are Better,
than what you have become for them...
what you kill and maim and hate,
is a prism to lock you inside...
to determine that you are only suited,
to the coat of Darkness...
that you claim to adore.
Perhaps the light will be just as strong....
It is up to you child,
for if you do not see the prison for what it is....
soon you will love it,
and believe that it is your strength.
Take my hand please,
and I will show you something...
before the Night Dreams re-take you.'
As you stand there by the river...
one arm gripped by the claws,
of the demon you have taught yourself to love...
and the other pressed,
by something unknown...
something of Light.
Tonight you decide,
tonight you choose...
to turn to her instead of him,
to believe that maybe...
you are capable,
of Sunlight...
and Life,
instead of Death.
The girl smiles up at you...
and you take her hand,
as the pale demon screams for you...
and you realize that she has never really left you,
and that she will always choose you...
always.
Then it is fading...
it is all fading,
and once again you find yourself...
back in your bed,
and sleep quickly overtaking you...
xx
To Donna Rose...
Always.
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